Still breathing

Everyday has been a lie for me. I lied to myself that all these sufferings will end soon and yet I'm still so busy with my workloads. I do not understand. Its the final semester, why cant these lecturers just let us off for a little fun?? Dont they have feelings>> a feeling human beings should have at the very least? Compassion? Mercy? Sigh. Hope tomorrow after I hand in my Masters proposal, things will be better. My thesis is almost up. I do not care anymore. I know he sure have lots to say abt it, but i couldnt care less. How much marks can it affect my cgpa? worse, with masters degree...who cares anymore abt my bachelor degree.. Things change the moment i decided to do masters. I hope i dont regret my own decision. I felt sorry that i couldnt take care of my mum back at home , even after her retirement. I was quite determined back then that i would care for her better after neglecting her for the past 4 years. I do not have much choice now, with the ailing economy not looking any brighter anytime soon. Just hoping to get the Intel scholarship, at least with higher pay. OMG, since when did money matter so gravely for me?? Am i changing? Oh no, I really misses the old days when all i can think of its mini homeworks and then enjoy all day. Maths + english which are so easy those days.. I really misses those good old days. If one day some scientist could invent a time traveller machine, then i probably would be so eager going back there. Now thinking back, being an engineer..what can i do for the world..what can i change in this world? Nothing. Its all about getting the monthly cheque for some thinking. People can still survive without me here. But if i took a different path in the past and be a doctor or teacher, I could save lives or help the poor to read/write. Why am i feeling this insanity in me only when I m about to grad? I hope one day I would end up being someone useful to the society and not just interpreting graphs and getting my allowance.